Life's chchchchchanges . . . I am changing my view.

I am sitting alone at home at 9pm because I am pretty sure my husband has a mistress. Actually he does. One of my favorite quotes is "The navy is my husbands mistress and that b*tch gets all the attention!" HAAAAAA! Anyway . . .sitting here I started wanting to go over all the reasons why the Navy life sucks. there are lots. Watching a friend lose her husband when she was 8 months pregnant, cheating a friend out of moving to Japan and oh by the way your husband leaves in 2 days for 7 months(Patsy you are being a rock!), deployments back to back, Jeff missing every important wedding, missing Gracie's 1st birthday, Christmas, all holidays, the last 5 birthdays together etc. Even when they are home they work insane hours and you are just thankful to get to sleep in the same bed for a couple a nights a week. Just when I started wanting to get really mad about the had we have been dealt it hit me

Without my husband's mistress:
- I would never had known what being proud was if it wasn't for the Navy. Yes, I was always proud of being an American. I cry at "Where were you" . . . OK sob. However, on a very sad day, watching a missing man formation fly over our squadron it hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't think I could ever be more proud of anything in my life then to say Jeff is a United States Navy Pilot. He still takes my breath away everyday of my life in his flight suit and I have never been prouder of who he is as a person.
- I wouldn't have known fear. Real fear. Like that which puts things into perspective. Caroline says it best when she tells me not to sweat the small stuff or things that can't be changed. I fear spiders, serial killers, random airborne illnesses. However, the fear of the job and his friends do puts real fear in me. Why am I happy about that? Because I will never ever ever let Jeff leave this house or go to sleep at night angry. I have seen how life has been ripped away from others so quickly and that fear keeps me remembering that life is too short and my job is to love Jeff even more then the day before. Yes his drive to work is more dangerous then flying the plane but I take no chances.
- I wouldn't know how badly it hurts when they leave but how amazing it is when they come home. The joy and butterflies I get after 9 years of being with Jeff even if he has been gone 2 days or 7 months is an amazing feeling.
- I wouldn't have known some of the most remarkable people in the world. These friendships I have made on this 7 year journey are simply. . .AMAZING. Maybe it is because you are forced to handle so may emotions together or maybe it is because all of a sudden "outside" people don't get how lonely this life can be(like saying things like " I wish my husband would go away for a while!"). Maybe it is just that that when you least think you need new friends you meet girls that will forever change your life for the better and you can't imagine what you would have done without them.
- I wouldn't have lived in Pensacola, Kingsville, San Diego, Jacksonville, and now VA. I wouldn't have picked up and traveled to Asia or hopped on a plane to fly to Tahoe for 12 hours (HA!).

So in ending . . . there are a lot of negatives. There are. It is just fact. It is a dangerous job that takes the person you love more then life itself away for long periods of time. You subtract years to your life worrying. You spend a lot of special time sin life alone. It isn't glamorous. But being a navy wife . . . well I guess I realized the pros outweigh the cons. Here's to more travels, more memories, great friends, being so proud you could burst and letting tears flow when they need to . . . because sometimes that is part of the job description.

So in close I post one of my favorite things I have ever read. IF JEFF COULD DO HIS MARRIAGE PROPOSAL OVER THIS IS WHAT IT SHOULD HAVE SAID . . .AND IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID BACK SEE THE BOTTOM :-)

Military Spouses Should Come with a Warning Label
By Sarah Smiley

If I could rewrite my military man's marriage proposal to me, making it more fair and forewarning, this what I would have had him say:

My dear Sarah -- dear, sweet, perfect, wonderful Sarah -- would you do the honor of being my wife and sharing your life with me?

But wait, before you answer, let me tell you a little about the job. First of all, I am a Navy pilot and I move often. We will have very little control over when or where we go, and sometimes we will be told we are moving one place, only to find out at the last minute we are going somewhere else. Are you good with flexibility? Can you pack and unpack quickly?There will be times you have to handle our moves by yourself because I go out to sea for six months at a time. Now, judging by your reaction to this, I won't go into detail about the additional months I'll spend on detachments and assignments because I really want you to say 'yes' today.

Are you a sentimental person at all, Sarah? I'll probably miss a lot of Christmases, birthdays and anniversaries. But we can always celebrate when I get back, and I'll be sure to call you from the boat on Valentine's Day. (Keep in mind, however, that calls from the ship are expensive, so we'll have to keep it short.) Oh, and don't count on me being there when you have our babies either.

How good are you with home repairs and handling crises? Since I will be gone 60% of our life, you will be responsible for fixing toilets, fertilizing the lawn, and dealing with hurricanes, tornadoes, and any other natural disaster that comes your way.You will also be responsible for coming up with new and inventive ways to remove the smell of JP5 (jet fuel) from the clothes I bring home from the boat, and you will spend a lot of time washing and drying dingy flight suits as well.How quick are you with the iron, and can you hem pants? There will be times I forget to tell you I need my uniform for certain events, and at the last minute I will depend on you to pick it up from the cleaners. Are you good at finding lost covers (military hats), belts, and uniform T-shirts?

Are you attached to your career plans at all? It may be hard for you to build a career as we move from place to place. And are you a worrier? My job is dangerous, and when I'm on deployment you might not hear from me for long stretches at a time. Sometimes I may not be able to tell you where I am at all. You will need to handle these situations with grace and dignity and try to go on with your normal life without crying every time you see someone else's husband coming home daily for dinner.

Try not to dwell on the magnitude of my job or the commitment I have made to the country. I am at the mercy of my command, and though I will treasure you and our family above all things, at times it will seem like I am married to the Navy and that I spend more time on the boat than I do at home. But you will get used to the feeling of being alone. Trust me.Lastly let me say this: Through our time and travels with the Navy you will meet some of the best friends of your life, and you will see and do things you never thought possible. You will join the ranks of all other military spouses who are some of the strongest women in the world. You will have the personal satisfaction that as my wife you have made enormous sacrifices (with little reward or commendation), but you have helped me to serve our country and protect its freedom. For that, I (and others) will always be grateful.

So if all of this sounds good to you, I'll need your answer soon; I have to report to duty in ten minutes. Oh, and can you plan a quick wedding?We'll be moving next month. And Sarah, Don't say I didn't warn you."
Copyright Sarah Smiley.

SO YES EVEN IF JEFF HAD SAID IT THIS WAY . . . I WOULD HAVE SAID YES.